he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
