spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
