before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
