I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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