im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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