i think my tv is drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
