did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
