I can text with my tongue
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
