Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
