Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
