just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
