is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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