you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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