Are we in a gay sports bar?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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