trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
