in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize