So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
