he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
