Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You ruined the universe
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
