i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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