Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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