I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
