Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
