So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
