She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
