I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
