Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
