I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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