She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
