He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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