How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
