Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
two words...techno handjob
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
