Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
