dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
