I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And then my night got REAL pukey
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
