Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
