all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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