This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
