Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
