You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
