you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everclear isn't food dammit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need to align my fucking chakras
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
