Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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