I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
