I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
