ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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