I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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