Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
