Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
