I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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