i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
