I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
