I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
