I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
