stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
