Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
