im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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