Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
