Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
