It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
