Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
