I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
