dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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