he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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