why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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