Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
