I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
