Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
