dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
