Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
