Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
