those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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