Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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