If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
