I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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