I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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