dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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