y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
