based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
