It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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