hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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